For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
