My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
