don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
