I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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