Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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