I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
