You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
