Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
