things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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