I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize