Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
