You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
