You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
