im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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