you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
