theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
