# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize