Sry I called you an 8
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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