I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
