I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
