I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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