Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
