somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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