It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
