How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
