He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
