I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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