Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
