Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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