I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
her vagine was all disorganized.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
