there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
