Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
