So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
