He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I didn't notice because vodka
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
