i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
