This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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