sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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