party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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