I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
