The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize