I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize
