she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
