The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
