Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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