I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
