He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
