tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i came on her dog
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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