we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We are all done wearing pants today
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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