there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
