no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
