win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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