i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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