saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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