When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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