Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
