Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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