Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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