There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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