am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
