that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
