Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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