I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
