I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
