New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
