I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
