Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
